LOSE WEIGHT WITHOUT DIETING
Part 1 of 10
By Deborah Kesten and Larry Scherwitz
Good food, bad food. Legal food, illegal food. Sinful food, pure food. The food fretting overeating style is overly concerned about and focused on food, projecting moral judgment onto what we and others eat. If you are often filled with thoughts about what you or anyone else should or shouldn’t eat, traditional dieting, or the “right” way to eat, or if you tend to base your self-worth and that of others on what or how much is eaten, the food fretting eating style we’ve identified is a key contributor to your overeating. And it increases your odds of becoming overweight or obese.
Do you see yourself in any of the following examples of food fretting?
“I was good today,” you may think when you’ve managed to avoid unhealthful foods, stick to your diet, and eat what you think you should.
“When my food cravings become powerful and I eat foods that are bad, I feel so guilty” is typical self-think for many food fretters.
“She should resist that sinful chocolate cake. Doesn’t she have any willpower?” you might think as you watch someone eat what she “shouldn’t.”
What are characteristics of a Food Fretter? Dieting as a way of life; guilt, anxiety, and righteousness about the “best” way to eat; noticing what someone else is eating, then judging and even commenting on it; judging your own food choices; eating by the numbers (calorie counting and weight watching, for example); and generally obsessing about food.
Although dieting, judging food as “good” or “bad,” and anxiety about food may not seem to have much in common, they share the distinguishing characteristics of a food fretter: feeling apprehensive about what food to eat, gluttonous when eating foods you think you shouldn’t, and guilt when you go off your diet; and comparing yourself with others and then judging the differences. The key characteristic, though, is obsessing about food.
Food Fretting: A “New Normal”
If you think the food fretter’s relationship to food, eating, dieting, and weight loss is normal—you’re right. In America, 83 percent of college women diet no matter how much they weigh; two-thirds of Americans have tried some kind of weight loss diet; almost 50 percent of women are dieting on any given day, as is one in four men; and almost half the ten-year-old girls feel better about themselves when they’re dieting.
Dieting is a national obsession that is evident in the more than forty billion dollars we spend each year on dieting and related products. Yet as our fixation on dieting increases, so, too, do our waistlines. More than 65 percent of adults over twenty-five are either over-weight or obese, up from 58 percent in 1983. And so are one in three children and adolescents.
Regardless, millions of concerned Americans turn for help to diet books, surgery, or expensive spas. Still other gullible and desperate dieters succumb to quick-fix claims such as “Eat all you want and still lose weight” or “Melt away fat while you sleep.” All the while they remain oblivious to the secret of successful dieting: first and foremost, stop dieting. This is because the strongest food-fretting predictor that you’ll overeat and gain weight is traditional dieting. In other words, if you live your life on a diet and restrict your calories with the intention of losing weight, you’re actually putting yourself at risk for gaining weight.
De-Food Fretting Strategies
There’s a lot more you can do to de–food fret and overcome your food-related anxieties, self-recrimination, judgment, and guilt. Here’s a look at what it takes to transcend the cycle of dieting and obsessing about food and weight.
Don’t diet. More and more research is linking traditional dieting with increased risk of weight gain. Consider “dieting” in the best sense of the word. The word “diet” comes from the Old French diete or Greek diaeta, meaning “mode of life.” Hippocrates, the father of modern medicine, used diet as a “prescribed mode of life,” which eventually evolved into meaning “prescribed regime of food.” We’re suggesting that you diet as an expression of the ancient meaning of the word, as a way of life: that you relate to eating as a social, ceremonial, and sensual delight, and to food as a gift that enhances your physical, emotional, spiritual, and social well-being.
Stop counting calories. Traditional diets that ask you to restrict calories and to eat by the numbers (calories, fat grams, and so on) don’t work for the long-term. To lose weight, you don’t need more numbers; you need other ways of relating to food so that each time you eat you have an enjoyable experience that nourishes your entire being. Instead of staying lost in a maze of measurements, nutrients, and numbers, focus on fresh foods, delicious flavors, the profound pleasure of eating, and the delight you take in dining with others.
Give up guilt-tripping. Guilt and its relatives—self-reproach, shame, remorse, and blame—are part of a food fretter’s relationship to food. It’s all about what is “right” and what is “wrong.” Eat something “wrong” that isn’t on your diet, that you “shouldn’t,” that tastes “sinful,” and—if you’re a food fretter—you’re likely to respond with guilt.
Consider this: guilt isn’t a real feeling. At its core lies the belief you’ve done something wrong, and now you must suffer for it. To break that conviction and get the upper hand over guilt, change what you choose to believe. Replace guilt-laden thoughts with a positive picture. Realize that you can’t undo what was done . . . and simply accept it. Finally, forgive yourself, for forgiveness is a necessity in any relationship—including the one you have with food.
Cease obsessing. If you’re fixated on and preoccupied with food-related thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, if you think or worry about food or weight constantly and compulsively, you are obsessing. The way out is to step from the shade in which you’re living, into the sunshine. Our “Meal Meditation,” which is Lesson 21 in our FREE “Whole Person Nutrition Program (“The Program”) can help you do this.
Jettison Judgment
To eat—and live—optimally, consider that food is more than an amalgam of nutrients and calories leading to weight loss—or gain. Along with healing you physically, it can improve your mood, satisfy your soul, and connect you to others and to the mystery of life. If you’re often filled with food fretting and thoughts of dieting, calorie- counting, and anxious overeating, here’s the antidote:
Step #1. Create a positive, pleasure-filled relationship to food and eating.
In other words, replace food fretting with the experience of enjoying food, and appreciate eating as one of life’s pleasures. Use the insights and practical strategies in this chapter to turn your food fretting into a positive relationship to food and eating.
Next post:
Think outside the diet to make weight loss last with Step 2 of our “BE A SUCCESSFUL LOSER” series, “Overcoming Emotional Eating,” posted on our NewView blog.
You’ll get plenty of clarity about what’s true and useful—or not—by keeping up with nutritionist Deborah Kesten, MPH, and research scientist Larry Scherwitz, PhD, the writers of this post, by following them on Twitter, liking them on Facebook, or sending us an email.
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